everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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