I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They took my balls.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
