dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
