No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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