What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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