how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love having hate sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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