got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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