goodnight i made you a song goodbye
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
