I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
