Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
