I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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