he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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