I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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