true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
