I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
