She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
