honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
