im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
