i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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