she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
