Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
