Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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