I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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