I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
