Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
