I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
