guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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