My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
