But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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