she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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