just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
