I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
