hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love you. Go after that dick
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