I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
