you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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