I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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