I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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