I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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