I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
