then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
