I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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