He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
