it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
