just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
