I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
