so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yo dont text me then not text me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
