I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
