question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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