Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
