hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
