Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
