We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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