i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
