It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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